Coping with Trauma – Trinidad and Tobago Newsday

Letters to the editor

Newsday

21 hours ago

EDITOR: Trauma in life is as certain as death, when the sun rises tomorrow. But not as an end in itself. It is the means of our growth and development, of building character and testing it, and so it seems to be part of the overall plan. Imagine that we were created only to drink and consume, as well as urinate and defecate. Would this be the purpose of our lives?

However, trauma can come in many forms and ways, with varying degrees of intensity. However, whatever form it takes, it is our purification, so we must “learn” even if it requires the greatest sacrifice, doing chores, dealing with a sting, or trying to put food on the table, otherwise our family will be in trouble among others everything can be managed if we stick to the task and lean or step back into the circle. Some of us succeed and others fail, but for many, trauma is difficult to bear and often not of our own making.

Much like Jayden Reyes’ father in the June 7 newspaper headline titled “Dad Mourns Bright Son,” which tells the story of a father’s feeling of losing the child he gave birth to and who was about to see the fruits of his labor when his life was extinguished in the blink of an eye.

What worries me is not the “topical” aspect of this tragedy, nor even the indifference to the lives and deaths of the perpetrators – the latter is already the norm – but the state of mind of the father who had to come to terms with this sudden, unexpected loss.

We can only look at it as an outsider, but it is virtually impossible to enter the mind of a father whose last thought was the sudden death of a loved one. This is the greatest oppression on the human experience and he himself will have to bear it and come to terms with it. Maybe this is his test!

This is no different for a young mother who would lose her beautiful baby in the recent uproar over the deaths of so many other children. Her name escapes me at the moment, but the image of her obvious trauma does not. I repeat that I am not present in the “news” about this tragedy, but I am only trying to understand the way of thinking of this young mother and her unbearable loss.

Once upon a time, having children seemed like a no-brainer, but today, with the complexities of modern life, a new mother having a child often faces a daunting challenge. And since the beautiful photos of her baby are now a sad memory, can we ever hope to understand her sense of loss? Her simple words, “I try to forget, but I can’t,” tell a story of unimaginable grief. Maybe this is her own test, like the father above.

And there are many others like this father and this young mother, but they too must suffer in silence. I cannot fathom the causes of such tragedies, why killers could kill without thinking about who would live and who would die, how caregivers could forget their oath and become so indifferent to life and death, and how those who they have the power to prevent this tragedy seems equally indifferent.

Perhaps a kind of retributive justice awaits them. But as was my theory at the beginning that maybe this is all part of an overall plan to test our character as part of our growth and development, and some of us will succeed through our own efforts and some of us will fail due to lack of them.

But for many, it is often not of their own making and it is too much to bear.

DR ERROL N BENJAMIN

through email