“My 11-year-old daughter can’t stand the sound of her sister breathing or the voices of her mother and teacher” – The Irish Times

Question

I think my daughter, who recently turned 11, has developed misophonia (strong and negative reactions to sounds that most people don’t notice). For several years she has been very sensitive to certain sounds.

Firstly, her younger sister’s breathing – which can be a bit nasal – bothered her greatly, to the point that it was affecting their relationship. We had to put them in separate bedrooms and the problem has since resolved.

However, last year my daughter had a problem with her teacher’s voice, to the point where it caused her great anxiety, anger and frustration, and also affected her ability to concentrate. We got through the year hoping it would go away, but after just a few weeks of this academic year she had the same problem with her new teacher’s voice. It has now spread to her mother’s voice and, on rare occasions, mine.

I know that at first glance it may seem trivial or normal that I do not like the voices of authority, but the level of anxiety this causes my daughter is enormous. She tries to calm down, fidgets trying to calm down, and inevitably attacks her mother at home.

She is aware of these problems and hates this feeling and asks me to help her stop it. Which brings me to the point where I’m looking for someone suitable to help me. It is worth mentioning that she has dyslexia, but has not been diagnosed with any other disease. She is a very sociable, athletic, otherwise happy girl, but she expresses less and less regularly that she is not happy and does not like her life.

I would be grateful for any help from a desperate father.

Answer

Misophonia is characterized by an extreme sensitivity to certain sounds or noises. This means that for someone with misophonia, everyday sounds such as chewing, swallowing, or even breathing can be irritating, disturbing, and often unbearable. Misophonia is closely related to hyperacusis, which is characterized by an extreme sensitivity to certain tones and sounds (so that they can be heard louder, more distinct, or more painful) and which sometimes has a physical cause, such as an illness. It may be significant that your daughter has dyslexia, as misophonia is much more common in children with neurodevelopmental differences such as autism, ADHD, or dyslexia, who often experience increased sensory sensitivity.

The first step is to contact your GP for an assessment to rule out any physical causes. Your GP may refer your daughter to an audiologist who is familiar with assessing hyperacusis and misophonia, or to another specialist if you think your daughter would benefit from a different developmental assessment.

Responding with compassion

The most important thing you can do when helping your daughter is to show her understanding and compassion. Many people with misophonia feel anger and irritation from others who think they are making a “big fuss about nothing” and do not appreciate the annoying sensory stimulation they are actually experiencing. Sometimes people can become offended or take misophonia personally (“What do you mean you don’t like my voice?”), which can put pressure on relationships.

It’s great that you value your child’s experiences and take their misophonia seriously. It’s a good sign that they’re talking to you openly about how it affects them and that they’re asking for your help.

( Hate the Sound of Other People Eating? Scientists Have Figured Out Why )

Modifying the environment

Sometimes it is possible to change the environment to reduce triggers. For example, in your situation, changing the sleeping area helped your daughter and her sister. Given her sensitivity to your voice or her mother’s voice, is it possible to change the tone or pitch of your voice when you talk to her? You could explore with your daughter whether speaking more quietly or more slowly might help. Ask her to tell you early on if she is starting to get upset so you can respond appropriately.

Cooperation with the teacher

Taking the time to explain misophonia to your teacher can help him or her be more understanding and accommodating to your daughter in the classroom. Share what you think might help your daughter, such as a quieter tone of voice, and discuss with the teacher what she can do to help (such as choosing a quieter sitting position at certain times). They may be open to making modifications, such as allowing their daughter to take a break when she is overwhelmed or using headphones if necessary (see below).

Physical devices

Some audiologists treat misophonia with sound therapy, using headphones or headphones to muffle trigger sounds or provide alternative sounds to alter sensory experiences. Given how common the use of hearing protection is today, this may be an acceptable strategy for your daughter to use in emergency situations and possibly in the classroom.

Help your daughter cope

Your daughter may have the opportunity to learn ways to reduce stress and the effects of misophonia. She may have already learned some strategies. Ask her to talk about how she copes in class. Are there times when the teacher’s voice is less intrusive? What happens then? How did she get through the last year? What helped her?

Perhaps there are relaxation visualization or distraction techniques that can help her. There is some evidence that cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) can help people understand their reactions to triggering sounds, as well as develop strategies to cope with negative reactions.

• John Sharry is the Clinical Director of Parents Plus Charity and an Adjunct Professor in the UCD School of Psychology. He is the author of several books on parenting, including Positive Parenting and Parenting Teenagers. See solutiontalk.ie